The Last Day of August

So here I sit in at my desk, typing these words on a keyboard looking at a screen that has met my stare for the past 3 months.

My goal at the outset was to complete a good draft copy of my thesis by today. I must admit that at present I think that I am about 3 or 4 days off the mark.

The goal was not too enormous and should I have been more capable of focusing steadily in the first month I probably would have been done a few weeks ago.

Alas here I sit, still staring, thinking, typing these words, making connections, editing out misnomers. It seems that my period of greatest progress has been the last month. Something about deadlines that motivates one towards an end.

So with the new school year looming on the horizon I move to strike and finish this beast. A preliminary copy at least, before I really take the knife to it and whittle down a quality piece of writing.

Many best wishes to all who embark down this road.

a

the bourne sur·veil·lance

http://www.thebourneultimatum.com/

Wow, okay so I'm a sucker, at present for shit, opaque, media forms like modern cinema in the blandest of senses. Since I've been living in Thunder Bay I have upped my intake of MOVIES to what may be considered unhealthy levels, but which may still fall far behind that of many Canadians. MOVIES are what you go and see at the Famous Players theater in Thunder Bay, since there is only one major player, they only bring in that which is a definite hit - meaning nothing subversive or genuinely interesting can possibly sneak past and get played on one of the 12 screens. That being said I went this Tuesday night for the price of $4.20X2 to see the new Bourne MOVIE.

I'm no surveillance expert, but this 1hr and 50min is perhaps the most seamlessly blended surveillance effort in movie history. Although since we've all seen the gags before, and know that the protagonist will always be one step ahead of the pursuer we know that means that in essence the surveillance has some obvious holes in it.

Since this is not an expose of surveillance and should be read more as a review of the movie, I urge you, if you happen upon it, to watch for the scene with the guns and video cameras in the same hands. Meaning that the "bad" guy has a gun and a video camera with a live feed to the CIA folks who are watching the scene from their armchairs in new york. Indeed the armed cameraman has a telecommunication line directly on his person as well, meaning that the video is transmitted back to New York and visual decisions can be made to tell the op what to do next.

I imagine that the cost of technology and the need to surveil will soon become so demanded by the public that Benthams Panoptic model will take on a much mutated form, a digital form, and as text is now scanned by computers in investigations and as a combing procedure over the entire net, so too will infinite real time up to the second digitally encoded and stored video be virtually scanned and flagged if need be.

I have no conclusion, these are my ramblings. This has all been said before.

The Simulated Engagement

Please go here to view the image that I find appropriate for this post.

http://www.mondolithic.com/gallery/index.php?module=media&pId=102&id=106&category=gallery/SciTech&start=0


It's been a few days since it happened to me and in the mean time I've been thinking of sharing this story. So here goes.

Last Friday night I rambled down to Ft William, or Thunder Bay South depending on where your from, to see some friends. Friends who play in touring bands like Misery Signals and Shai Hulud. The show was at the classic venue of club 201, a place with old show posters mostly dating back to the early 90's, bands that I had seen some of my first shows with.

Seeing these guys out on the road and still 'livin the dream' was great, reminding me of the days that I used to spend in the Van and on tour with my last band Fractal Pattern. When hanging out with bands on tour, the conversations usually start and end with tour, and all the stories that go along with it. Living in the van, stinking to no end, and most importantly the undying generosity of so many people across North America who all share the stories and make tour as much fun as it is.

Well since I haven't been on the road this year at all, while being in school, I have used the opportunity to host bands. Basically a place for bands I know to come and sleep, and shower and basically hang out. While being on tour the best thing is always making friends on tour, and hopefully with luck, seeing them again in a few months or next summer or whenever. It's a sad fact that while being on tour connections to home may become stressed and thinned out and the people you meet on tour begin to form a kind of collective family. People you trust and who care about your well being.

Usually after a show if as a band you don't know anyone, you make friends with some kind soul, who will take you over to their house and let you sleep on their couches and floors and let you cook some pasta and use the shitter. Really thats all that matters, and then you get up and do it all over again.

With all these fond memories of tour implanted in my brain, I was in for a shock when I hosted Shai Hulud from New York last Friday night. Now Shai Hulud is a band that I have long been a fan of, being essential pioneers in the hardcore scene, I still can't believe this band made it to Canada, much less Thunder Bay.

So, before we left the venue after the show, all the guys in the band were super stoked that they would have a place to go and chill out and have a shower. The next question, or perhaps obsession was, "do you have wireless," to which I answered, "Yes."

And that was it, that was the last time I really talked to them. Sure they came over to my place and I was honored indeed, but as soon as I showed them the shower and the clean towels I had laid out for them and gave them the internet password and such - they were gone - 5 guys in a room, all pulled out different versions of Mac laptops and started clicking away. Their bodies in that recognizable hunch that people using a lap top actually on their laps acquire. No matter how I attempted to strike up the conversation and bring it back to the days of fun and hanging out and telling stories, I could not. For the allure of the screen seemed to suck them inside and remove their spirit from the room.

I was so disenchanted I wanted to cry, so instead I went and got my laptop and started to work on the photos I had taken at the show.

As each successive shower was taken it would leave one vacant seat in the parlor room and one laptop off. The bodies who were gone had headed out to the van, for the drive to timmins was to begin as soon as the bathing was over.

Needless to say, i felt like I had been ripped off, been jipped. Unable to communicate on the proper level, the digital level. Perhaps we should have all been using MSN messenger to carry on a dialogue, that way our attention could have been given, even if it was fractionally.

And thus I end with the beginning - the story of the simulated engagement - and a dejection that has not lifted with the passing of these last days.

Saturday night with the computer

It brought us Swedish meatballs, Billy bookshelves and endless queues on the London North Circular on Saturday afternoons. Now Ikea is going one step further and opening the Ikea Hostel, where customers can stay overnight if they haven't finished their shopping.

Later this month, Ikea Norway will let shoppers sleep overnight in one of its two Oslo warehouses, an operation that will last a week. "It will be like an alternative hostel," said company spokesman Frode Ullebust.

Thats the news if you haven't already heard it.

Muchos Gracias to both Becky and KBro for the posts. Hopefully we can use this place, the vitrual sauna, to help each other to generate ideas and discussion about the projects we are working on, or the thoughts we may be thinking.

Comments are always welcome and encouraged. Please spread the word about the virtual sauna to your friends and family, in that way we can hopefully generate a buzz and let out the academia like blood from a stone. Too often the interesting things that we find out go unheard of, simply because it gets channeled back into our writings, most of which stay relatively internal. Lets get external. Lets get interesting. Lets share.

Lately I have been pushing hard to smooth out my existing chapters and get primed to hammer out the final one on the festival.

I must say that working for Dr. Genosko this summer has been the best job I have ever had. It beats painting, running a kids park, cutting grass, apartment maintenance... Yeah, it's swell. Research is a good way to spend time, as well, since I got to schedule my own time, I made sure that when It was hot I was sitting in the sun, probable increasing my chances of getting cancer - awesome.

peas

Sorry for the letdown ...

Hey Andriko and everyone else ... I must apologize for letting you down and not fulfilling my attempt to show you how my thesis is going. However, I am not sure I can add anymore until I do a bit more thinking and researching about my new ideas. Maybe I'll post again in the middle of August to let you know how the next stage of my research is going!!

Andriko asked about my practicum and wanted more information. Again ... I was just teasing you with the tip of a carrot so I'll give you a bit more information on my practicum because it's a huge issue in society today and one that is often hidden.

As of 2009 all provincially funded institutions that currently house people with developmental disabilities (often people with multiple disabilities) will be closed. A few have been closed but three are still open and slowly placing people in other locations. There are approximately 1000 people that need to be relocated. The Ministry of Health and Long-term Care and the Ministry of Social and Community Services have joined forces (which sometimes run opposite of each other) to provide a protocol of how to place people being relocated from the large institutions. The primary goal is to place the residents in a group home. Society has now changed opinions and believes that the best care is provided in the community and not being stored away in a large institution. The three women that I focus my attention on come from Huronia Regional Centre. The closures are both widely accepted and greatly feared. I will include a few websites that you can look at if you want more information. I did a project for a class that involved assessing the protocol used to place individuals and found it to be very flawed. I believe the governments are aware of these flaws as it is being redeveloped right now!! The problem (or a benefit depending on how you look at it) for the women is that they have all lived in an institution for most of their adult life and as they are in their 80s (a new phenomenon since most people with developmental impairments were not expected to live past 40) the best location for them was a long-term care home. Basically these women were replacing one institution for another. On the other hand, there is a man placed at the same long-term care home who is in his 40s. His family made the decision for him to be placed at this home because it was close to them and seemed like a nice place (it is a nice place ... one of the few nice nursing homes I have seen). This man is not adjusting well and his family is regretting this placement (or so I have heard). It is difficult to adjust to an environment where everyone around you is twice your age. There is also a concern that the current residents (who do not have developmental impairments) are not very accepting of the new residents - many of whom are non-verbal.

The purpose of my research will be to determine what makes a successful transition from one institution to the next. So far the women have adapted quite well. I have heard stories about people who visited the provincially funded institutions and would call them horror stories. The places were often filled with half naked people who just walked around like zombies. There are stories about little children playing in a room with only tiny windows near the tall ceiling and only have one ball for a roomful of children. One woman told me that she has a strong stomach but she almost vomited when she saw some of the images in these institutions (I am not sure which one she was in). I also heard that many of the adults lived in a large room with small cots and one bathroom to be shared. This would not even be acceptable as a dorm at a university.
The three women now have 1-1 care basically ALL day (whenever they are awake). They get taken on extra outings and have all their needs met by people working for a developmental services agency. They are warming up to the women who provide care to them and often hug and kiss them. Apparently affection was not something found in their previous home.
I am working on incorporating the long-term care home's policies with the developmental services agency's policies so that workers only have to look at one book (more daunting than it seems and not very enjoyable but someone has to do it I guess!!)
Here are a few links:
http://www.mcss.gov.on.ca/mcss/english/pillars/developmental/what/closing_facilities.htm

http://www.torontosun.com/News/Columnists/Mandel_Michele/2005/09/18/1221836.html

http://www.oadd.org/publications/journal/issues/vol11no2/editorial.htm

I hope this gives you some insight into the issues that are facing people aging with developmental impairments. It's a scary world out there ... especially when you are unable to make your own decisions and voice your concerns. I believe that the closures are a good thing but society as a whole is not ready for this transition and I think it could be a difficult and bumpy road for the people being relocated.

I hope everyone is having a good summer and I'll quit boring you now with my summer events :) I want to hear what everyone else is doing!!
Cheers, Becks

Getting to know myself, through the experiences of my participants

Hello Everyone ... I hope you are all enjoying your summer and staying cool. Andriko convinced me to send a 'blog' about my thesis experiences.
After several months of reliving my interviews and contemplating the best way to document the lives of 8 very unique individuals, I finally had a brainwave. It was only after sending my supervisor various revised versions of themes that I finally found one that she would accept. Finally her words of wisdom hit and I came up with a brilliant concept for my thesis. I will get to this in a moment because there were several events that led up to me finally seeing the 'light'

Have you ever noticed that when you are trying to get something done it is very challenging to meet the objectives? That it is only when the task is done that it all seems so much easier? What I am trying to say is that ... last summer I couldn't find enough participants for my research ... I was getting stressed that I would not find enough people. However, this summer ... when I have interviewed all the people I want to interview ... lots of people want to talk to me about their experiences of aging with a physical impairment. It was through these conversations that I finally realized how I NEEDED to present my data. Ever since my first interview I realized that this thesis is no longer about me ... it's about the special people who trusted me with their stories. I do not want to let them down, I do not want to present them in a way that would embarrass them or make them hate confiding to me. Although, this is a huge task to take on ... I think it has been empowering and I would not change this experience.

To show you how this has impacted my thoughts, I'll tell you how my thoughts have developed. At first, before I made any personal connections with people with physical impairments I thought I could look at the topic in sections that I would call 'Inequalities'. This seemed like a logical way and fit nicely with my literature review. However, after my first few interviews I realized that the word inequality should not be included in my thesis in such a BOLD manner. My themes then changed slightly by using different words that are comparable to inequality and still highlight that there was something wrong with life with an impairment and that my participants were living tragic lives. This was not how any of them talked about their life.

Okay ... so now this is the new direction - the purpose of my thesis will be to show that people aging with a long-term physical impairment are no different than anyone else but they have to learn to do things differently or normalize their actions and are constantly adapting. Now ... instead of using inequalities I am using coping mechanisms as a way to structure my data so it makes more sense.

I am now in the process of recoding my data (all done as of last night) and working on a strong thesis statement. I hope to continue writing this week. I finished my methods section and am waiting for it to be reviewed.

I am also trying to fit in my practicum. This practicum involves researching how 3 elderly women (over 80) with developmental impairments have adjusted to a life in a long-term care home. These women previously lived in a large, provincially funded institution that is being closed. The stories I hear about these institutions are enough to make me want to throw up. I cannot imagine how they survived for so long. They are adapting quite well to their new surroundings but I guess it is not much different than their previous "home" (which I use VERY lightly!!).

In the midst of all this school work ... I am also working a bit and playing soccer. My team is doing better than last year and we have a chance of making it to the semi-finals (I don't expect more than that!!). The summer is going too fast. I will be at home still in September trying to finish my thesis and look at applying for a PhD. I think I'll return to TBay for a short visit once most of my work is done.

This update is quite long and probably not too interesting. I hope everyone else is doing well and that your thesis or paper is coming along. Make sure you take time to enjoy the summer!!

Cheers, Becky

All is Full of Love

Every day, as these interviews progress I am more and more in awe with the individuals I encounter. I find myself complaining of the heat, of how I'd really really like to be able to fly to Toronto after I fly to Vancouver but I just don't have the money. boo hoo.

Then I hear people say things like this:

Maria (not her real name) is in a wheelchair. She is going blind and deaf. She has MS. She is having difficulting securing income from the Ontario Disability Support Program (welfare for people with disabilies who cannot work) because for a brief period she worked at Ontario Hyrdo, because, as she puts it, "I don't like being paid for breathing". The ODSP office said she obvioulsy could work, she'd done it in the past. She reminded them that she had done this work before she had gone blind and nearly deaf. She really needed this income from ODSP because she didn't have enough money to purchase batteries for her hearing aid - because she is going blind she cannot read lips like she usually does. She sometimes has to choose between hearing or eating. HEARING OR EATING! You make the choice.

Why did she agree to participate in the TBEJC study? Because:

"I'm used to losing the fight, and this is one fight I'm going to win" - I'll remember that next time I'm distraught that my hair is flipping out at the sides.